The kids and I were sitting in the living room drying off the sweet little kittens because it had been raining all morning so they were wet. It was great, they’re so stinkin’ cute! They got all fluffy and stuff! Anyway, Kopp calls on the home line which is never good. He’s got the mule and is at church getting ready for our church picnic tomorrow, and says Monica had called him to let us know that we had some cows out on top of the hill (Monica is our mail carrier and she’s amazing…..looks out for everyone on her route and brings Casey a cookie every Wed!).
So Jason relays the message to me and it’s like a Chinese fire drill in the house! “Charlotte,” I said “get the cats outside. Alan, get your boots on because I’m probably gonna need help , I’m going to the barn to get a bucket of feed, all hands on deck ‘cuz the damn cows are out!” I quickly got my boots, jumped in the Tahoe, grabbed a 5 gal bucket of feed and hauled butt up the hill. Sure enough, about 15-20 cows and calves are out in Delmar’s hay field. Fantastic.
Remember I’m in the Tahoe which I’m normally using the mule when I work cows. I put her in 4WD and bumped along the fence line along the edge of the hay field until I found where the S.O.B’s got out. There was a huge, dead branch that fell on the fence and broke 2 sections of the barbed wire so the cows were filing out like they owned the place! So rude!! I rolled out of the Tahoe, man-handled the giant branch like a boss, and started calling the cows as I shook the handle on the bucket (which is pretty damn heavy when it’s full of corn) hoping they would start heading my way. The cows on the right side of the fence were all over it but the cows I really needed completely ignored me… b****es.
I called the house and told the kids that I needed some back up until Dad got there and to please head up with another bucket of feed. Meanwhile, our 2 bulls and the other neighbor’s bull are talking smack and carrying on which is when I noticed that another group of cows and calves had gotten in with HIS herd… S.O.B.!!! I’m by myself, trying to keep the cows still on the right side of the fence in, call the ones that were blatantly ignoring me back, and wondering how many other damn cows are shacking up with the other neighbor! I called Jason and told him things were pretty messed up and could he please hurry because I had cows everywhere! He says, “Just focus on keeping the ones still in the fence until I get there and we’ll worry about getting everyone else back when I get there.” So I stood guard in front of the downed fence and cussed out the cows giving me dirty looks because I wouldn’t let them out.
About that time, I glanced over the horizon behind me and behold!!! Here comes Alan, running and waving his arms while screaming like one of Mel Gibson’s soldiers from “Braveheart”, herding a bunch of escaped cows back up the hill as Charlotte is barelling up the road in her little white Danger Ranger blaring her horn as she herded scragglers from the county road!!! I tell you what, it was like 2 beacons of light straight from the heavens!!!! Alan yelled and hollared around until we got everyone that we could back in the fence!!! Everyone except 2 little calves by the time Kopp got there!!!
Well, Charlotte had to get ready to leave for work so off she went back to the house while Jason, Alan, and I started to fix the fence. We got it all up and running and Jason and I thought we better check the rest of the line to make sure there wasn’t any other holes the cows could escape through. We asked Alan to take the Tahoe back to the house and we headed about 200 yards down the fence line before we heard the horn honking on the Tahoe….uh, oh, now what?!?! We back tracked and there’s Alan, arm hanging out the window, honking the horn at the last calf we were missing. He stuck his head out and grinned ear to ear as he says, “I found this little bastard on my way to the house and thought I’d help him back in. He sure jumps alot!! (honk, honk) I’ll bet I can get him to clear the fence, Dad!” (honk, honk). Kopp had to hold the top two rows of barbed wire down but sure enough, the little dude jumped right over and headed straight to his momma!!
All in all, it took about 3 hours by the time we got everyone back in, counted to make sure we had everyone, and checked the rest of the fence. I think we did a pretty good job!! Of course, I would have much rather preferred playing with the kittens but such is life on the farm!!
